There’s so much pressure these days to be perfect, but rarely do I notice people valuing genuine behavior. I will compare it to a childhood artifact. I have a little toy dog that as a child I named Doggy. He is sort of dirty, and he has bald patches on his back from being carried around like a purse, and he’s kind of flat because I used him as a pillow, but I still love him of course. This is something all children do, and it’s an important, and possibly our first step away from or parents, and into our own identity. These objects are more often than not, imperfect. Why do we think of them still with such regard as adults? Because they were genuine. We loved that artifact in spite of all of its flaws, and we continue to do so with the people in our lives. Our family, and our partners. So why then do we so often fail to do this with ourselves?
You are not perfect, sometimes you leave the milk out. Or you get too emotional and cry at family dinners, or have committed the crime of caring too much. I know you are not perfect, and you know too. There’s a fundamental difference in the way we see these flaws, which I think is important to look at. You might feel disappointed in yourself, or begrudging. I feel that these are endearing things that make people different; so you’re a little forgetful, or emotional, or excitable: it is cute: it is the child in us, existing in opposition. Ask yourself something when you feel disappointed, or flawed: how old do you feel? I’m betting you can tie it back to your past. So much of what we do is habit.
Societies have existed with habits that don’t serve them anymore simply because humanity at large doesn’t like to change. I assure you though, there is nothing to be afraid of, and there is no reason to cringe at yourself. I say this to you because I’ve often wished someone would have said it to me. I went through my young life unable to go to sleep at night because I would lay in bed going over every social interaction I had that day, cringing. I was worried that I had violated some unknown social law throughout the day, hopelessly convinced that I was dangerously awkward. In recent history my depression had gotten so bad that I was convinced the world was better off without me; so in order to remedy that short of death, I went into the woods and hiked every day, the only true social interaction I would have was with my dog, Tina.
“Humanity is putting shoes on the huge child progress.” -Arthur Rimbaud
I say it’s unacceptable to exist in such self-loathing, because if you do you have given up. Worst of all you have given up when you likely have something more than necessary to offer the world. Rimbaud said, “Humanity is putting shoes on the huge child progress.” Societal progress is like attempting to dress an angry toddler in the morning, sometimes they don’t know they need it until they go outside and realize it’s raining. In my case, I realized I had come to a transitional period, and it was making me into a horribly optimistic person, and then produced some of the best writing in my opinion that I had ever produced. So if you drop off the face of the earth, you are not only betraying yourself but the rest of us too.
Realize that you were born into society, and you are married to it. When Chris McCandless died in Alaska, did the whole country not stop and stare for a moment? You are as perfect as the rest of humanity. Society is flawed because every single one of us is also flawed, but we have a responsibility to do our best. This does not mean never cry, never want, never break any social norms. On the contrary, our responsibility is to consider everything and act accordingly. Why is it so bad that you are excited about something no one else is? Or wish to live a different way? Or even have different values than the mainstream? It is one’s personal responsibility to be genuine. That is the reason for our existence as an individual.
I understand the anxiety that must well up at the thought of this. We come from a culture of perfection. With the internet age, as well as values that favor overworking ourselves for the sake of efficiency, it’s no wonder we don’t think very highly of ourselves: we’re not living up to ideal culture, but ideal culture is only that: an ideal. It is impossible to live up to, not just for you, but for anyone. Our ideal culture is actually not ideal at all, it’s harmful to us. If you think about the things that you like about our society, I bet it’s not going to be the objects, it’s most likely going to be the connections. So why not make meaningful connections, which only subtly challenges ideal culture.
Often, we use status symbols to show who we are as individuals, even though often the nature of a status symbol is to show conformity. Artifacts are objects that hold a lot of symbolic meaning to us. They help to organize us into groups and express who we are. Two dualistic examples could be a fancy car and a childhood blanket; which is more important? A car means that you worked hard, and you made enough money to get something very few other people are able to get. You know your place on the latter now. You are successful. The blanket was one of your first connections; it kept you warm at night, saw you through when you were sick; maybe your nana made it for you. Now if you could only save one, which would you save? You can buy a new car after all. There is a reason we call childhood artifacts priceless. Even if they are not pretty, and mean nothing to others, they have become part of our selfhood; that is what sentimentality is. It is not hard to be genuine, and it is more rewarding to us than being perfect.
Adamant material culture is not only wasteful for our environment, but also for our psyches. It works as an addiction, we get something to show our status, and our friends are momentarily impressed. Then what? Newness always fades. Fads always die. We move onto the next thing: it will never be enough; perfection in our culture is the same. We get addicted to likes the same way we get addicted to objects. This is why minimalism has come to exist, it challenges the idea that we need objects or attention to feel like ourselves. Max Weber’s concept of Rationalism states that societies build themselves off of logic and efficiency, which originally was consumerism. However, consumerism, conformity, and cookie-cutter institutionalism that is leading to the disenchantment of our society might not be efficient at all. Because as it turns out, being human is something more.
"The floors creak, the roof leaks, the siding is old and grey; but the inside is golden-red, with stained glass windows, and light flowing in like water, effervescent and full of life."
In order to change this ideal culture, we have to change the way we look at ourselves. The way we act as individuals affects the values of society as a whole. We have to stop hating ourselves so much, and stop being afraid of the critical parent in our head. Why are we so intent on killing the child within ourselves? We are old enough now to be parents ourselves, and we are lucky enough that the inner child still exists. We should take this as an opportunity to re-parent ourselves. We have the ability, as adults, we are in control of our own lives now, and it is our responsibility to parent our own inner child so that it doesn’t demand the parenting of someone else. We owe ourselves at least that.
Let us look at a wood house, my house. The floors creak, the roof leaks, the siding is old and grey; but the inside is golden-red, with stained glass windows, and light flowing in like water, effervescent and full of life. People are no different than objects sometimes, maybe that’s why we identify with them. But what makes a treasure just that? It is the same question as I ask, what makes you who you are today? If we must be like something that does not breathe, let us be like something that has true value. Then maybe one day we will realize the value within ourselves.
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